This is your place to publicly comment on the topics and issues addressed in Speaking of Faith programs. React in a personal way, and put into words what this program meant to you.

Submit Your Reflection about "Marriage, Family, and Divorce."

Bringing Humanity to a Complex Topic (September 1, 2007)
I listened to the podcast of this show on my way to and from work yesterday, and I felt my heart opening wide to the discussion. I came home and soaked up the unedited interviews.

I appreciate the very refreshing perspective of Rabbi Dorff — his thoughts on the Jewish traditions around divorce and that divorce is not considered a sin. Thinking of my own divorce four years ago, I listened to his words and I finally felt absolved. While I know that my divorce was definitely the right thing to do in the end, my Christian upbringing taught me since I was a young child that divorce is unquestionably a sin, and that it is wrong. I have fought and questioned this for these past four years, despite the judgment of my Christian family. But sometimes, life happens. We are broken people.

Moreover, I found this program captivating because you suddenly brought into sharp focus all these thoughts and questions I’ve had — and here suddenly you brought light to them, you brought words to them in a way I have failed to do myself. Judaism is the only religion that makes sense to me. And I mean that in the way that I don’t think other religions are wrong, it’s just I think Judaism most closely aligns with my personal beliefs about myself as a woman, about sexuality, about marriage and relationships, etc. Judaism seems to celebrate humanity and sexuality in a way I have a deep affinity for. Judaism makes me feel I am OK.

I frankly struggle very much with Christianity, to the extent that I may believe in God and Jesus, but I struggle with believing in the Christian church and the way it practices its religion. I’ve often questioned how I can relate as a woman to the celibate Jesus, or to a predominantly male-centric religion that really hasn’t treated women very kindly the past 2,000 years. The more I mature, the more I look and realize that Christianity just doesn’t "fit" how I feel about life, no matter how I try to make it fit.

The twist to all of this is that my ex is Jewish. So I thank you for bringing a humane perspective and balance to both Jewish and Christian thoughts on marriage and divorce.

Annette Brown
Tulsa, OK (KWGS 89.5 FM)

Islam and Marriage (August 22, 2007)
I love your show and I listen/read regularly. I found the segment on marriage, family and divorce captivating. One thing I like so much about Speaking of Faith is that you point out aspects of religion and spirituality that aren't necessarily on most people's radar. In this particular segment, I really, really wish you could have incorporated Islam into the conversation. I am married to a Muslim man from Yemen, and one of the things that has really made our marriage work, despite all of the cultural differences and whatever other personal issues arise, is my husband's dedication to marriage and family. A dedication that is fueled by very strong religious and cultural ways of looking at relationships.

These days, so much of what I hear about Islam is about whether or not it is a violent religion, women's role in Islam, or something else to do with war or politics. But there are so many aspects of Islam that are fascinating and that would fit right into any conversation about Christianity or Judaism. With Ramadan approaching, there is always the issue of fasting (which I think you may have covered before). How about interviewing kids who are fasting (many kids start doing partial fasting in elementary school and fast all day by age 10)? There is also the issue of zakat (charity), which is typically paid during Ramadan. The way many Muslims pay their zakat religiously reminds me of my baptist grandparents and how they regularly gave a percentage of their income to their church. But zakat goes to the poor. You should see our local middle eastern grocery store during Ramadan, when people are arranging to have a sheep slaughtered and to donate part of it to charity and give part to friends and keep part for themselves, and give away 2.5% of their income and assets.

Thanks so much for your wonderful program, and especially for the online transcripts, which are great when I've missed a show.

Stephanie Harrell
Ann Arbor, MI (WUOM, 91.7 FM)

Do We Really "Idolize" the Family? (July 13, 2007)
Many times I have wanted to write and tell you how much your program has illuminated my thinking. The opportunity to meet and hear the voices of people who are passionate enough to dedicate their lives to their beliefs enriches my life in such a wonderful way. Thank you so much!

I wanted to comment on Mr. Johnson's observation of the modern culture's "idolization" of family in comparison to Jesus's puzzling statement in Matt 10: 34-39. {Note the scriptural reference is incorrect in your reading.} The divorce statistics and the social ills that afflict us do not validate this assumption that we idolize the family and even more confusing was his assertion that the allegiance to a kinship connection was inferior to the allegiance that one should feel for the whole of the human family. I may state grandly that I love all God's children, but it is in my family that the rubber hits the road. It is there that I will have the opportunity to practice compassion, forgiveness, unconditional love, patience, and sacrifice — all those ideals that Jesus taught and implied when he said come and follow me. Ideally as a member of a family I am taught those things that can bless and enlarge my concept of the larger family of man. Too many times I have fancied myself a great humanitarian only to be humbled by my inability to make peace in my own family.

My second concern is the interpretation of Jesus's words as an advocation that we "hate our father and mother and leave spouse and even children" etc. This simply distorts the very essence of the chapter it was lifted from. Could it be that Jesus was reminding us that as much as we love our families, out first pledge is to Him — to love Him as He loved us? He left His father for me and this scripture reminds me that He asks that kind of devotion from me. In actuality, there are a few people who will have to choose between their testimony of Jesus and their family or friends. Most of us will enjoy the great blessing of sharing our beliefs with our families.

Bonnie Wolsey-Dickinson
Provo, UT (KUER, 90.1 FM)

Marriage Across Faiths (July 13, 2007)
I have to say that, first, though formerly agnostic, and now atheist, I enjoy your program and look forward to listening every week. Your program comparing marriage from the perspective of Christianity and Judaism was enlightening. I would like to suggest that you continue the series. Islam and Buddhism are two promising candidates. Please consider it.

Richard Alpert
Summit, NJ (WNYC, 93.9 FM)

Musical Choices for Your Show (July 8, 2007)
I had a moment of disconnect when I heard the love theme from Monsoon Wedding during this program. My head said: "Hey, that's not Jewish! That's Hindu!" And then my heart said: "Hey, that's your favorite love-story film!" And it all fit. Thanks for the perfect musical selection in this midst of your program, reminding me that love and marriage are beautiful in all traditions.

Kirstin Cronn-Mills
North Mankato, MN (KNGA, 91.5 FM)

Musical Choices for Your Show (July 8, 2007)
I was struck by importance of not having to rely on the text in the New Testament alone. I believe in modern revelation and modern prophets, and those men have taught that marriage is sacred and of great importance — that a person cannot attain the highest degree of glory in the next life without being sealed to a companion. I do agree that this modern life is too obsessed with sex, and it colors all that we feel. I really enjoyed the program and love what you do. It makes me think of things in a different way.

Richard Lee
Payson, UT (KUER, 90.1 FM)

A Message Based on Reality (July 8, 2007)
I no longer consider myself a Christian as I did for about 20 years, but I find myself looking forward to your show. It seems your show is the only fair and balanced look at spiritual things that I have found. The show about sex and marriage really seemed to be a message that needs to be more prevalent. I wish every one could hear this, show but I have found over the years that other people hardly ever hear what I hear in the same way. The message is based on reality and ideals at the same time, without the same old insecurity that is spawned by all religions when they think their beliefs are being challenged.

Kem Gregory
Littleton, CO (KUNC, 91.5 FM)

Jesus Celibate? (July 8, 2007)
Another outstanding program! As a Christian pastor and licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I found Rabbi Dorff a bit more coherent than Luke Johnson, but both avoided literalism and legalism. Refreshing. However, you too easily swallowed the assumption that Jesus never married. Apart from Da Vinci Code hokum to the contrary, the core claim of Christianity that Jesus was fully human seems to me to demand that Jesus was fully sexual.

The culture of the time demanded that teachers be married. William Phipps in a much under-reviewed book (ca. 1970) Was Jesus Married? asserted that the four duties of a Jewish father were to have sons circumcised, teach him Torah, teach him a trade, and find him a wife. The biblical text mentions the first three. The years between 12 and 30 are not described, but it seems highly probable that during those "hidden years" Jesus did what every "normal" Jewish male did. He married. His wife might have died in child-birth; other possibilities abound, including that Jesus did indeed marry Mary Magdalene. Most importantly, Jesus, unlike Paul, probably did marry. Unfortunately for Christianity throughout its history, it is Paul's sexually ambivalent writings that have shaped church teaching on God's beautiful gift of sexuality. As Jim Nelson famously characterized it, "Sex is dirty; save it for the one you love."

By the way, your statement that Jesus sent forth his disciples without wives does not hold up. Paul complained that he alone among the Apostles was unpartnered. Despite ancient Roman Catholic teaching that the apostles were all celibate, it would be rather odd for Jesus to heal Peter's mother in law if he were not married!

Pete Sabey
Claremont, CA (KPCC, 89.3 FM)

One Revelation (July 8, 2007)
I think it was great to have both a Jewish and Christian perspective on this in the same program, because I don't think you can legitimately separate Old Testament and New Testament when wrangling with God's revelations to us as Christians; but the Christian side of the program did not make any connection to the Old Testament. The Christian perspective was presented as if it were something unrelated to the Jewish perspective and with no recognition that Jesus spoke in context of God's revelations in the Jewish Scripture.

It must be recognized that Paul is writing about the Jewish Scriptures, and not about a New Testament that had not yet been compiled, when he says in his first letter to Timothy (4:13), "Until I arrive, give attention to the public reading of scripture …", and in his second letter to Timothy (3:16), "All scripture is inspired by God and is* useful for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness …". There would be no need for the New Testament to include Jesus' Old Testament teachings that were already culturally accepted by the Jewish culture that He taught in. As a result, to fully comprehend God's revelation to Christians, the New Testament and Old Testament need to be treated as one revelation and not two different revelations.

David Mazur
Branford, CT (Listens to SOF OnDemand)

A Mandatory Waiting Period (July 8, 2007)
If there were an equal amount of legal, social, family, religious, and media pressure put on getting married as there is on getting divorced, there would certainly be fewer marriages and a smaller percentage of them would end in divorce. A signed contract of intent, followed by a mandatory waiting period with counseling sessions conducted by a person sworn to be impartial on the subject might help.

David Cole
Hopkins, MN (KNOW, 91.1 FM)

No Credibility of Divorcees (July 8, 2007)
I caught the last 15-20 minutes of your program this morning. I agree with much of the discussion and was eager to hear the Scripture references regarding the sanctity of marriage. I have been married for 12 years to my first and only spouse. My parents have been happily married for over 40 years.

At the end of your program, the guest casually mentioned that he had left the monastery and his wife was divorced. Right there he lost all credibility on the subject! The current pastor at my church is in a non-traditional family. I don't know his marital history, but his wife was divorced and they are raising her grandchild. I have little respect for either of them in their ministerial roles. I stay at the church because pastors come and go. The congregation is a good community.

Carolyn Wyatt
Indianapolis, IN (WFYI, 90.1 FM)

Consistency in Approach to Scripture (July 8, 2007)
It didn't seem that Luke Timothy Johnson was saying that homosexuals should be in committed relationships. It seemed to me that he avoided saying that. I do think that if he will be consistent in his approach to Scripture, then for him to say that homosexuals should remain in committed relationships is an inconsistency. Whether we like it or not, the Bible, in both the Old and New Testaments, says that homosexuality is sinful. We don't like adultery being categorized as sin. We don't like lying being categorized as sin. We don't like divorce being called sin. But thanks to God, Jesus died for our sins! Now, the least we can do is repent and try to follow him honestly, not edit him, or the Old Testament.

Also, you said that Christians didn't have many examples of marriage, but Christians do have those examples, we consider the Old Testament to be the bulk of Scripture. Jesus did, Paul did. Jesus expanded the Old Testament, and he fulfilled it. He did not dismiss it.

Hilary Kratz
Horsham, PA (WHYY, 91.0 FM)

Another Source (July 5, 2007)
I have yet to hear your broadcast on marriage and family, but I have read your article online and as always I admire your manner of framing the issues in a way that allows for exploration without being judgmental. Very nicely done, and not easy to do!

You might also want to know that there are a number of pastoral counselors (Fellows and Diplomates of AAPC) who are also clinical members of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and are also active clergy, and who have a wealth of experience and interesting views on marriage and family, and the biblical context as well as theological aspects of marriage and family life. Thank you for your theological sensitivity and what Albert Einstein once called "holy curiosity."

Mark Gliden
New York, CT (WSHU, 91.1 FM)

Inclusiveness (July 5, 2007)
Based on the choice of language in your articles, I have to wonder: is your message for heterosexual ears only? There are many other kinds of ears out there. Why do you exclude them from your language?

Susan Wong
Denver, CO (Listens to SOF OnDemand)

Richer and More Robust than Presented (July 5, 2007)
I was excited to see that you were addressing this topic and disappointed in the results of the program. For the past 32 years I have worked with engaged couples, both Roman Catholic and Protestant, preparing them for Christian marriage. If this were the only vision we can present to these young couples, it would be sad and oblique glimpses at the potential of their future life together.

Perhaps a follow up with Wendy Wright at Creighton University, Finding God at Home, would flesh out this discussion further. Our sacred and scriptural traditions on marriage, I'm afraid, may be much more rich and robust than presented in this program. While both presenters were enjoyable and obviously learned the content focus, to this listener's perspective, the program missed an opportunity to "explore" core themes of scripture such as abundance, transfiguring grace, meal, homecoming, journey, holy and transforming presence in sacred places, and events just to name a few themes that enlighten the vocation of Christian marriage.

Jack Hilger
Minneapolis, MN (KNOW, 91.1 FM)

Needing to Refocus (October 18, 2005)
I enjoy listening to Speaking of Faith periodically, and appreciate the calm, balanced tone you bring to each subject. Recently I especially enjoyed the program on marriage. I agree our culture needs to focus more on marriage and love as a journey of growth and less on seeking an elusive romantic ideal. Hollywood disserves us greatly in this respect. Thank you again for your wonderful program.

Betsy Clarke
Minneapolis, MN (KNOW, 91.1 FM)

I Kissed Dating Goodbye (September 4, 2005)
In the past few years, several books have come along that challenge this society's notions about dating and relationships, and that have been helpful to me. They include I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Josh Harris, When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy, and A Plea for Purity: Sex. Marriage and God by Johann Christoph Arnold of the Bruderhof communities. These authors take the stand that conventional dating cheapens the meaning of commitment, that dating provides an artificial environment for evaluating another person's character, and that dating too often leads to intimacy but not to commitment.

Their main point is that if we truly take God's promises in Scripture seriously, that God will meet all our needs, including the need for a life partner, then God's love nullifies dating as we know it. God will provide someone for us in God's own unique way and time, however long or short it may be, with or without the use of human intermediaries, and only if it is truly God's plan for our lives. Our task is to stop trying in our own strength and trust God alone and completely. There are far too many people who won't take God's promises at face value and in the process set themselves up for a major fall, especially regarding marriage.

Kevin Young
Sheffield, IA (KUNI, 90.9 FM)

Interviewing Style (September 4, 2005)
I found this a strong, profitable lesson on the Bible and marriage and related issues. It was absent the all too prevalent sweet-toned message that religion is a comfort blanket. I especially liked the straightforward unqualified treatment of the Bible texts as literature of its time-culture. But I also wish to comment on the virtues of good interviewing. Frankly, I do not listen to a "show" for the views of the host. I value any show for getting inside the mind of the guest, their answers, viewpoint, and insights. When the guest begins to expand is no time to agree or interrupt. I believe all show hosts should listen to their own show for interrupting or just gratuitous agreeing with or seconding the guest's views.

Obviously nobody's going to interview me some day, but for others I would much prefer a prepared and probing Terri Gross to a controlling Diane Rehm or a smothering Oprah Winfrey. Every preacher, teacher, salesperson, politician, etc. develops his/her own style. While none is perfect, many are excellent and many others could be if they would just become their own best critics.

Greg Foote
Indianapolis, IN (WFYI, 90.1 FM)

Disturbed by Dorff's Comments on Reproduction (September 4, 2005)
I was extremely disturbed by Rabbi Elliot Dorff's views on marriage and family, in which Dorff indicated a full acceptance of the choices made by one of his daughters, both to live as a lesbian, and worse, to bear a child through artificial insemination. I was both surprised and disappointed that Krista Tippett appears to have reflected so little about the welfare of America's children as not even to question Dorff's view, which implicitly accepts the notion now capturing public attention, that even a planned child can now be preemptively denied its birthright to his or her own natural parents. Might you ask why this notion is both transgressive and unjust? Consider my next question. Are we as a nation ready to accept, as a "reproductive right," the ability now available of bearing and rearing children for whom no father, or sometimes mother, is even imagined to be necessary? Given that this "brave new world" technology exists, why does it not follow that every child must still be granted its own birthright to its natural parents?

If you are unsure of the answer to those questions, I have yet another. Is it right for a generation so devoted to its own cherished notions of "human rights," even to contemplate the preemptive abrogation of the rights of future generations? For what, after all, could be more "inalienable" than the natural birthright of each and every child to be born to and reared by his or her own parents? As a mother, my intuition tells me that this is yet another of the tragic consequences of legal abortion unaccompanied by a sense of public shame, and a consequent process which allows too many of us to remain heedless of the fact that some Americans are now willing to extend the notion of "reproductive rights" so far as to grossly curtail the right of the unborn child. How is this not a travesty of judgment and justice? It can't be defended as a "privacy right" as stretched to accommodate the "right" to abortion, being hardly a private matter once the "choice" of a planned-for pregnancy and birth are undertaken, for prior to this who has ever before been preemptively deprived of the right to one's own natural parents.

Emily Volz
Silver Spring, MD (WETA, 90.9 FM)

Looking to the East (September 4, 2005)
I enjoyed your radio show on marriage and family. What was missing though is the perspective of the East, particularly on sexuality and the role sacred sex has in enhancing both the deep bonds of a marital union and one's individual experience of the Divine. The tantric traditions of India and the Taoist practices of Chi Kung are examples of highly developed systems of actualizing the spiritual possibilities of marriage. Thanks for a great show.

David Telep
East Hampton, CT (WNPR, 89.1 FM)

Love Is Patient… (September 1, 2005)
The section of the New Testament that describes love comes from Paul's letter to the Corinthians. I believe Corinth was (is?) a port city, so I can imagine that there were some rowdy sailors there. If they were like proverbial sailors, then they had "a woman in every port." If you had asked them what love is, they might have described something that sounds like sexual license to churchgoers today. I believe that was a problem in the early church, where some people were inclined to interpret the recreation of the last supper/love feast as some kind of sexual orgy.

As a result, I believe Paul's "tone of voice" in this letter is not quite the way we interpret it today, as a soaring literary inspiration. I believe he was admonishing them. Like, "No, no! Love is not selfish physical gratification! Love is patient! Love is kind!" etc. Thanks for your shows and the heartfelt speakers you feature.

Norma Bauer
Lansing, MI (WUOM, 91.7 FM)

When and How Much to Share (May 8, 2004)
When we're both very tired, simply saying so is sufficient to remind us to mark well our words. To wait until we're rested brings more creative results, especially when disagreements arise. With or without disagreements, we find, are best handled by:

1. Holding hands while maintaining eye contact with each other, and/or holding each other close.
2. Bringing humor to the other by exaggerating one's own helplessness, and the need one has of the other.
3. Telling each other: "Have I told you lately that I love you?"
4. Praying together at regular times.
5. Often paraphrasing the other: "What I'm hearing is…"
6. Writing short notes to each other; calling when we're away.
7. Sharing the highs and the lows of the day/week.

Archbishop Patrick E. Trujillo
North Bergen, NJ (WNYC, 820 AM)

Why the Separation of our Physicality and Spirituality? (May 9, 2004)
I tuned in to the program on "Marriage, Family, and Divorce" in the middle of the interview with Rabbi Dorff, so I may have missed something important. I'm Jewish and I have studied my faith, both in terms of the Torah and classes by rabbis on the Torah's practical application on contemporary ethical issues. Judaism has always embraced and acknowledged our physicality as well as our spirituality.

There are more than ten commandments. Judaism lists 613 commandments from the Torah. Do you know what the first one is? It's near the very beginning of Genesis. After God creates Adam and Eve, he commands them, "Be fruitful and multiply." That is the first commandment of God to man! I don't understand why Christianity has separated body and spirit and deemed bodily functions and desires less than holy. From the little I know of the Christian faith, I believe Paul's teachings created that separation. It sounds to me like Paul was either not fond of women, homosexuals, or simply emotionally disturbed in some way. It doesn't take a genius to point out that if everyone followed Paul's ideal and was celibate, civilization would die in one generation and surely that was not God's intent.

Sheila Schultz
St. Louis, MO (KWMU 90.7 FM)