More and more people in our time are disconnected from religious institutions, at least for part of their lives. Others are religious and find themselves creating a family with a spouse from another tradition or no tradition at all. And the experience of parenting tends to raise spiritual questions anew. We sense that there is a spiritual aspect to our children's natures and wonder how to support and nurture that.
We asked for your stories and the spiritual questions that parenting — or grandparenting — raises. Below are few of these stories. You can listen to a selected few of these voices here or tell us your own experience. |
Tina Parish
Spring, TX
None |
My own spiritual journey has greaty influenced my decision to raise my children with morals and spirituality while avoiding religious indoctrination. I am the daughter of loving parents who raised me in a conservative evangelical church. My father is a minister and we pratically lived at the church. I believed every story in the Bible was a literal one and devoted myself to pursuing a relationship with God.
After serving as a missionary for several years, I entered a crisis of faith that completely devestated me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I have been on the path of recovery and spiritual detoxification for the last ten years.
I decided early on that I would not subject my children to dogmatic religion and chose instead to let their natural spirituality and wonder grow in an environment of questioning and meaningful discussions. I have found they are quite capable of creating their own sense of meaning from the great stories in literature, sacred myths, and meaningful discussions about the questions mankind has been asking for centuries. It is interesting to see their ideas evolve and change as they grow and experience more of life's complexities. I feel religion is quite destructive when it is taught in a literal sense. It has been a powerful experience for me to witness my children's ability to have faith in themselves and to not be afraid of the mysteries of life. They need to develop their own sense meaning to the universe and that creative ability will serve them well throughout their lives.
I believe our children need a living, evolving philosophy of life as opposed to a dead revelation from a past sacred writing. I am letting my kids derive wisdom from a variety of sources, while respecting their innate spirituality.
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Jean Greenwood
Minneapolis, MN
Presbyterian |
My 36 year old son, adopted at 5 months, has schizophrenia, and lives in a group home. As I have learned to simply be with him, to be present silently, to be patient, I have come to see it as a spiritual practice.
Often we go for a walk and then to a restaurant. When he does not wish to speak, it becomes a time of centering and meditation, holding him in God’s loving presence, sending him my love. It brings me to a deeper place of knowing, and experiencing all that life is. I find that grace grows in this fertile space, and I am reminded, over and over again, that I can rest in God, letting go of the plans and strategies, the hopes and dreams. And I listen to my heart, to my son’s presence, and seek to grow in the art of knowing when to speak and when to be silent.
Sometimes an inspiration comes to me and I offer it forthrightly, and my son often listens, perhaps sensing that it comes from a sincere and profound place. His responses, verbal and nonverbal, teach me to be more in tune with him. And we do speak about spiritual things, from time to time, when he initiates and when he responds to a question or comment I have offered. He wonders about death, wonders if bad things are going to happen to him, contemplates the afterlife, questions God’s existence or nature, and once in a while offers profound insights into life. And I am blessed, in a way I could never have anticipated.
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Mary Vujovich
Eagan, MN
Presbyterian |
I have two boys 11 and 14, and divorced from their father. While both of us are active and involved parents, I am the only parent actively involved in a church. Thus, it appears all of the questions of faith (or lack of questions of faith) are my concern.
I insist upon taking my boys to church each Sunday I attend (rarely miss), and try to instill in them a knowledge of our denomination and faith (Presbyterian Christianity), as well as sharing my personal read on issues addressing our Presbyterian denomination as well as more general issues of faith.
On our 20-minute drive to church I strive to pull out at least one issue from the Sunday paper (usually current events) or from the Saturday Tribune's page about church/faith issues to discuss with them. Sometimes, I simply ask them to tell me what they like or don't like about church (I get an earful about the latter). Occasionally, I'll just simply ask them if they believe in God, and why.
I can't say either of them has a dynamic, visible or strong faith in God, but I have taught them to question what they believe, test it out, research it, listen to others, and THEN form some conclusions about belief. I try to model my openness to changing my mind at this point in my life, and to hearing a new viewpoint.
But issues of spirituality, prayer, Jesus and God are very difficult to discuss, and despite my regular attempts, I feel I've done an inadequate job.
Still . . . I try. My spiritual life, although rife with uncertainties and questions, is very important to me. I want it to be important to my boys, as well. Right now, they're not questioning much nor appearing to find spirituality very important. I intend to keep the subject in front of them, and then will hope and pray they'll continue on.
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Amy Sparks
South Haven, MN
Lutheran |
Intuitively my children have a closer conncection to God and/or spirituality then most people I have met, including my husband and myself. My son Sage is six years old and suprises me with his candid and honest statements. The following are some specific examples of this.
I remember driving down the highway and out of the blue he says, "Mom, God is organic." I chuckled to myself and asked him why he said that. He matter of factly replied, "Humans didn't create him." Also he has witnessed a lot of death in his young life, and the year we had to attend 4 funerals in 3 months he was three years old. I searched for ways to explain my and other family members' sadness. He accepted and embraced the idea of their passing becoming a journey to a spirit world, reuniting with others, living on as a star or butterfly or a sunset. My daughter who is two, passed a tree stump I barely noticed, stopped and waved goodbye to the tree. I can only imagine she saw "something" I could not.
My husband and I have struggled with questions concerning teaching our children about religion and spirituality. We have yet to find a church that we feel comfortable in. I think we both have a bit of family guilt in not taking our children to church weekly. We try to read and discuss different types of Religion with our oldest child, such as Buddhism, and we are open to the questions and discussions he has about Jesus, God, death and spirituality in general. We are still on a journey to find a place of worship that suits us.
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William Hodapp
Eagan, MN
Catholic |
We are struggling with the qestion of authority, responsibility, and relationships with a grandaughter. She is currently living with a boyfriend and our dilemma is whether or not to share with her our concerns about this type of relationship since it is contrary to our belief about the sanctity of marriage and the need to live within the teachings of our church. We have not yet decided to discuss this issue with her, but will have to make up our minds shortly. We hope to be guided by teachings of our faith (Catholic) and through discussions with our pastor. We realize that we risk injuring our relationship with our grandaughter and possibly with our daughter. We must determine if our felt responsibility is sufficiently great that it would override the possible cost if the relationship is injured.
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Curt Larson
Hudson, WI
Lutheran |
I have been facilitating a mutual self-help parent support group called "Parents Who Care" in my hometown for 16 years. It is secular in nature because we receive public support. In discussion, I share that I believe that there is a portion of all people's psche for spirituality and that if we, as parents, don't choose how to influence that in our children, we are at the risk of someone else introducing beliefs that are contrary to our community such as Satanism, etc.
We must be responsible for influencing in the direction of our beliefs especially when children are small. I'm not afraid to tell participants that I choose Christianity for my spirituality, but I don't demand that they follow my belief system, only that they don't neglect their children, but rather, choose wisely.
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Jennifer Posey
Center City, MN
None |
My daughter drew a picture when she was 5. In it was a little stick figure person with tears and a sad face. Above it was a large cloudlike figure that looked angry and the caption for the picture stated "Gad is runing my life (God is ruining my life)". When I asked her what it was about she explained that she was angry that she couldn't get a new bike. The bike she had she didn't like because she fell down on it.
I did my best to explain to her that God guides her through her journey of life and will point the way if you pay attention but he doesn't control wether or not she gets a new bike. It wasn't very easy to explain this to a 5 year old.
I do my best to explain to my children what I understand about spirit but it's such an abstract idea that it can be difficult.
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Jackie Haviland
Minneapolis, MN
Atheist |
As an atheist, I had the strange experience of speaking with a Christian co-worker about raising children, and he said something that implied that his children were benefiting from a moral upbringing and that mine weren't. This lead me to lots of thinking about how to communicate my morality to my children, and it prompted me to work on and write down my own 10 commandments.
I believe that children are not nearly as spooked by the big questions of life, as we all assume they are. They are interested in death, they want to talk about it, and experience it in safe ways. Children also enjoy discussing the big moral issues of any age: environmentalism, justice, sin/or doing harm to others, punishment, etc.
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Bethany Saltman
Phoenicia, NY
Zen Buddhist |
I met my husband at a Zen Buddhist monastery here in the Catskills ten years ago when we were both young and zealous practitioners. We deeply considered devoting our lives to the dharma by becoming monastics, and lived at the monastery for two years. We finally decided to leave and have a child instead.
Azalea Kai is now 9 months old and I am looking at myself, her, and my practice in a new light. What does it really mean to be humble, to be a true nobody, as we say in Zen, a true person of no rank? Becoming a mom in a culture that offers little support, little recognition and lots of blame is a great way to discover how to let go of wanting affirmation! Serving my daughter, while very different from formal training, is teaching me about myself in a naturalistic way that monasticism might be able to do after many many years, but in such a different way. But this is the fast track to dropping a lot of my need to look good, to be important in the eyes of others - other adults, that is.
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Christy Lauer
Plocatello, ID
Raised in organized religion, has developed a personal path from many different traditions. |
While both my husband and I feel a spiritual connectedness to a higher power, we both feel disenfranchised from organized religions. We had discussions with both our kids about their feelings about God, his role in their lives, the Bible and other religious documents, and developing their own morals, ethics and values based upon their self analysis. Both our kids, ages 16 and 13, pray, follow the basic biblical teachings, and are strong in their personal beliefs. I feel our openness to discussing our beliefs and feelings as well as hearing and accepting their beliefs, has allowed them the chance to question, reflect, and develop their own spiritual base.
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Nandini Pandya
Milford, CT
Unitarian Universalist |
My husband and I come from non-observant Hindu families in India. It would be fair to say that I had never really given much thought to religion or spirituality, certainly not in terms of if and how we would impart our religious values to our children (they are now 18 and 14).
When the kids were of elementary school age, I joined with some local Hindu parents in running a Sunday school. Over the ensuing three to four years I gradually became quite disenchanted with it. It seemed to me there was too much emphasis on rote recitation of chants and ritual observances, and conflation of religious and cultural values. For instance when one teenager asked, "where does it say in our religion that dating is bad?," the response was, "this is your age to study." Hardly the stuff of good parenting, the less so when surrounded by the American cultural juggernaut. Worst of all, this Sunday school had no component for the adults — it was as if the adults had everything all figured out and they couldn't possibly need more.
While talking about this experience with an acquaintance, I described what I was searching for: a community of engaged individuals where I would not have to convert to anything or forsake anything; a community that believed in kindness and above all else, social justice. She suggested I check out Unitarian Universalism. Serendipitously, the nearest UU church is only a 10 minute drive away. I started going to this church in February 2000. It is now over six years and I have never looked back.
It would be fair to say that my kids and I have found our "village": people who share the same values and are engaged in finding humane answers to the issues of here and now; people who are open and welcoming to newcomers. Seemingly overnight, I acquired like-minded friends who look out for each other's kids, and my kids found peers with whom they feel they totally belong. Most important, my kids have found a community of peers and elders from whom they learn a lot — about spirituality, yes, but also about social justice, environmental issues, prejudice, and of course, politics.
It would be fair to say that I have become a more spiritual, connected and centered human being as a result of joining this community. And while my kids have not turned into theists, they too have become centered and connected. Most important they are able to grapple with the questions and articulate their beliefs about faith and spirituality with confidence and clarity. |
Amy Bullis
Brandon, SD
ELCA Lutheran |
My husband and I come from two very diverse Christian backgrounds. He is from a Hispanic Pentecostal background and myself from a Midwestern Lutheran upbringing. Our only real struggle has been over the baptism of our child. He insisted that we wait until Isaac was old enough to decide for himself, and I wanted him baptized as an infant. My Spanish just was not up to explaining Lutheran theology to he and his family. Isaac was finally baptized at age three after I found a Lutheran Minister from Columbia that was better able to explain about our Lutheran tradition of infant baptism and the Confirmation process Isaac would later go through to "re-affirm" his baptism.
My husband and I are now separated, and he and his family (which includes an aunt and two uncles who are Pentecostal ministers in Guatemala) now agree that having him baptized as a child was appropriate since I am the one who takes him to church and participates in church life with him. I rely on my pastors and my upbringing in the church to guide me as I help Isaac grow in his faith. |
Kristy Hom
Sierra Vista, AZ
No particular faith |
Both my husband and I were raised in the Roman Catholic tradition in a cultural sense — we attended Mass, received sacraments, but the faith was not practiced in the home. My parents did not speak of faith, and I had formulated my own spiritual relationship with God before beginning religion classes at the age of 6. I never really sincerely grasped Catholicism as my sole path, though for all of my childhood and teenage years I tried to. My husband also formulated his own spiritual ideas in his growing up years. I think that overall, that occasional, cultural religious structure was enough for us each to form unique spiritual paths of our own while growing up. We each had families that loved and cared for us, and we were both taught to live by The Golden Rule. "Do onto others" was conveyed to us without formally living any specific religious tradition.
I truly believe that all faiths are inspired by the same source, and with our children, try to point to the teachings of all faiths that we can. We don't attend any religious services, but together we read the many wonderful books available to children in many faith traditions. We talk about God and divine presence in our lives. We seek family ritual throughout the year, based on practices of different faiths. We have friends belonging to various religious traditions, (and those who don't belong to any tradition) that help us to see their beliefs through their eyes.
I admire and sometimes envy our friends who raise their children in a specific religious tradition. I especially admire the security of organized faith that can guide the children and their parents when the usual questions about God come up. The social connection and a group of people practicing the same faith together in community also appeals to me sometimes, for sometimes, I feel we are adrift alone.
It is my greatest hope that our children seek an authentic path of their choice, that may involve a single tradition, or combine as many as they need. Or, formulate their own. I do have a couple of ideas I'd like them to understand and consider, though. As they get older, I'd like them to consider that a spiritual path is a journey; ever-evolving and changing, and not simply a means towards an end. I also hope that they perhaps consider that there really is no "end" — just transitions to other ways of being — wonderful, yet ordinary transitions everyone goes through. For now, I try to answer their questions as honestly as I can, and listen to, and encourage their ponderings. It is my hope that an education of all the world's traditions, our family rituals, and our personal living examples will be good enough signposts to guide them. |
Dotti Shonkwiler
Grand Ledge, MI
United Methodist |
When I stayed with my son's family following the birth of the second child, I offered short prayers at dinner that related to their two year old: "Dear God. Thank you for the sunshine. Thank you for the flowers we smelled today. Thank you for Mama and Daddy. Goodbye (Amen)." After hearing a similar prayer for a few days, my two-year-old grandchild eagerly volunteered to give the prayer. Her prayers, also, were based on her experiences which varied a bit each day. Her parents began the ritual of mealtime prayers after being lead in this manner by their daughter. Now, her parents often add their contributions in a brief sentence to the family prayer. |
Jake Geissinger
Alexandria, VA
None (Wife is Catholic) |
My wife is a fairly devout Catholic while I believe there is no God, so very early on I sort of forced her to recognize that and how it would play out in the raising of our future children, because we both knew we wanted kids. The compromise we came to, which won't really be tested until the children can question it themselves, is that the children will be baptized (it's really important by her standards, and it doesn't really matter by mine) and raised Catholic (going to church, etc.), but if, as they get older, they start to feel it isn't the path they want to follow, they are not expected or forced to follow it. They are allowed to choose their own religion.
I believe that religion and spirituality take on virtually infinite forms and that they make the backbone of both personal structure and human society. I don't believe that either of them (religion or spirituality) require a deity or even an end goal. They just require belief in something that transcends the question "Why are we here?" even if the answer is as simple as the one that feeds me, "We are here to love each other." |
Judith Boivin
Duluth, GA
Raised as Roman Catholic |
By showing the children how valuable they each are in their own right. Acknowledging their kind of knowing about life from their perspective. Pointing out the wonders and mysteries of the natural world whenever possible. Being a loving and respectful grandparent who does not have a need to force values or beliefs onto the children but rather use what they know, see, experience, and help them make some sense of it. Where do you begin when you are sure that you do not want to pass on to your children the traditional belief system that you were raised in? So many religions are more about dogma, doctrine, do's and don't's and discourage, and at times prevent, coming to the fullness of one's own adult human being. |
Sally Livingston
Calabasas, CA
Group Conscience is my Higher Power |
The questions are mostly raised by being in the community and experiencing the materialism (Christmas and Chanukah)and sugar obsession (Easter) associated with with common religious holidays. I find myself addressing questions in response to those prompts. I will read books on the Exodus or about people merging Christianity and Judaism and finding the commonality. They sometimes address, "What is God?", etc. I want to know if my children are feeling an absence by our not having a tangible ritual or icon to which they can direct their spiritual thoughts. |
Maria Molinari
Oakland, NJ
Roman Catholic |
I think it is a matter of effort, of taking those moments each day to think creatively and encourage my children to experience their spiritual lives as much as possible. It is so easy to gloss over; these impulses pertain to the invisible and evanescent. It is difficult to compete with the distractions of life. But I try to ask questions to get my children thinking of how their spiritual life has a real presence, that it is an intelligence with which they can understand life and their participation in it. I try to get them to think outside of the basically instinctual and easily accessible. Question examples: Can we change someone's sadness into happiness? Are there many ways to do this or just one? Which one would help the person for a longer period of time? Should some people in the world be sad?
How do we encourage spirituality in our children without unduly frightening them, or making them judgmental? How do we develop their sense of connectedness to others through their belief in God? What should we teach children about death? Regarding a specific religion, what would be most useful to me is some comment on how to raise kids in the Roman Catholic faith without creating fear or small-mindedness? |
Vivian Houk
Little Canada, MN
Protestant |
How can I best encourage parents to nurture their children's spirituality in the home rather than depend on the church to do it? How can I help them do that? This is an area of intense interest for me. I parented three and am grandparenting three boys now. As a parent I made sure our children had "information" or knowledge about Scripture and the faith we practiced. They prayed the salvation prayer at an early age and I thought the job was done. But, I somehow knew there was more to it than imparting biblical information and truth to them.
I have come to believe that children are very spiritually sensitive beings having so recently come from the very hand of God and are more aware of Him in ways we adults have lost. Created in His image, my life should reflect His light and love into the world I am part of. When I name my experiences of God for my grandchildren and name their sightings of Him they have a better chance of staying connected with Him throughout their days on this earth. I have found I can give them words for their experiences. There are sensitive periods for their development spiritually just as there are for their other developmental milestones. My relationship with God will be reflected in my responses to them and my sensitivities to their spiritual needs of the moment. Therefore, it is imperative that my walk with God is an intimate and deep walk which feeds my heart and mind. Out of the depths of those experiences, I will have the resources necessary to nurture my grandsons in ways that I missed in parenting my own children. That is my prayer. |
Abigail Gary
Glen Rock, NJ
Presbyterian |
I am a Presbyterian married to a Jewish husband. Because I am practicing my faith and he is not, I got to raise our three boys as Christians. I believe very strongly that in order to make a decision about religion as an adult, kids need to be raised with an organized religion; they don't usually just come to it by themselves. We struggle because I'd like my husband to participate a little more in our church as a role model for my sons. I don't need him to convert, I just need him to actively and enthusiastically encourage the kids' participation and show up occasionally for functions himself. He does come on holidays, but I wish I could get him there once a month for the services. However, it's not nearly as important to him as it is to me, so I don't think it's going to happen. I am very respectful of my husband's family traditions and we make sure we get our boys to their grandparents house for Passover and Hanukkah. I want them to be aware of both sides of their religious backgrounds. |
Jennifer Mosher
Meriden, CT
Orthodox Christianity |
I am interested in all and every question about parenting and the spirituality of children and believe that they are always answered slightly differently with each child. Everything from how we talk to children about the "big questions" like death to how we transmit the intangibles — faith, love, a thirst for truth or justice. Parenting (and being parenting) is a relationship — there is never a static prescription for how it is done well, no matter how badly we may want one. Two eternal beings are interacting with each other in an incredibly vulnerable and sensitive period in their lives. How can there be a universally applicable formula for that?
My own tradition contains much history and theological insight into that reality, in the Scriptures, in other church writings, in the lives of the saints that could help parents in their journey. But it has rarely been explored, highlighted, or made accessible to them by priests, teachers, or theologians. Some folks are beginning to explore it more — certain schools of religious education, increasing numbers of popular books from many points of view, scholars like Bonnie Miller-McLemore — but it is no way a mainstream conversation. How can it become more mainstream for us to think and interact with our children as spiritual beings? Instead of all the other ways that we tend to think about them, ways that are often unhealthy? Every interaction I have with my children can have spiritual ramifications for them, and for me. Parenting is a vocation that has as much to do with the transfiguration of me as it does with the formation of my children. |
Jane Cronkite
Holland, MI
Christian |
I have taught preschool age children for over 35 years. I am a parent of three grown children and recently became a grandparent. I have taught church school and led children's worship often over the years. People frequently do not understand that you really have to have a very clear idea of your own and/or your faith community's theology in order to make stories and beliefs "easy" enough for children. "Easy" is really the wrong word. What you are really doing is reaching into a scriptural narrative or spiritual experience and discovering the most central and profound truth you can. You then distill it into the clearest, most straight-forward and concise language, images, activities. It is difficult and challenging to cut to the core this way. You can not hide behind convoluted arguments or vague platitudes.
As you go through this process for and with children, your own faith becomes more honest. When my son was three years old, we were doing prayers at bedtime. He said, "Mama, we're just pretending there is a God, right?" I said, "Well, some people think so, but I think God is real. You can't see Him, but you can feel Him." A few nights later he said, "Mama, I think you are right. I think you can feel God more than you can not see Him." That is not a very complex statement of faith, but many of us are clinging to that very important, basic idea for all we're worth.
I question what the role of faith communities should be for young parents and their children. I strongly believe that such a community is important, but I also see a problem with more programming in lives that are already over-programmed. Should Sunday morning be one more day to rush around and put your baby in a nursery? How can young parents and children find spiritual nourishment and service with others without weakening their family unit? Are some faith communities being creative in response to new realties of work and parenting? |
Laura Theroux
Bear, DE
Christian… leaning toward Baptist… but still open to new ideas. |
I've had my granddaughter, Sophia (3), since the day she was born. I take her to church with me. She has picked up the concept that Jesus loves kids, God is in heaven, and punch and cookies follow. I have been a "visitor" to churches all of my life, never settling in any particular one. I am concerned that Sophia will have a hard time finding a home church if I remain a Christian gypsy. Neither of my adult kids belong to a church, they just attend every once in a while for whatever reason. I am the only one in my family that goes to church; they call me the "religious one." I always hope that the next one will be the one and I'll get to know the people and have some connection. Until then, I just drive by the next one, check the time it starts and plan to be there next Sunday.
I am struck with the awesome responsibility of being accountable to my children and grandchildren as to what I express to them about my belief in God. How much of what I believe to be true or not true will affect what my children believe and what impact will it make on them to decide to join or at least attend a church? |
Paul Rozycki
Minneapolis, MN
I belong to a radical Catholic tradition |
I am addressing questions of spirituality as a father through the most natural of ways. My wife and I are committed to nonviolence, simple, joyful living, plenty of loving, and being connected to nature and community. Our faith community, St. Joan of Arc, enriches and replenishes us. Living as though we are connected to all is important. We live "green." I journeyed to Washington, DC in September 2005 to call for U.S. troops out of Iraq. Other times, before the war, we were out protesting with our small children. These, we consider matters of spirituality which we hope to pass on to our children. In my basement I have a very large poster of Gandhi. As a stay-at-home dad, having been raised by a short-tempered father who used abusive language and sometimes practiced physical abuse, I found that I was unable to be the gentle, non-angry father I wanted to be. I raised this issue at an ECFE class, and asked for help. The teacher did some research, and gave me some readings. I guess I was ready for change, and fundamentally got a handle on my anger, and have been a far more gentle and more connected to my children dad.
I find that the most important aspects of spirituality, children, and parenting are the questions: Who's spirituality is it? (Is spirituality a deeply personal matter, and if so, how much should I be involved as a parent? Does spirituality develop at a church? Does it develop — or survive — through the spiritual experiences of unconditional love, joyful and simple living, connectedness to nature and other humans? What role can community play in this? |
Luh-Hwa Saville
Carbondale, IL
Confucianism, Taoism, Buddhism not as institutionalized religions but as ways of lives, and Mormonism non-observed at this point, adopted during teen days through parental affiliations |
As a parent, my experiencing and addressing questions of spirituality is an ongoing, and in my view a never-ending, process as long I'm alive and capable of interacting with my children. Every waking moment to me, in which I interact with either humans, non-human lives or inorganic surroundings, is an inviting opportunity for experiencing and addressing questions of spirituality, therefore to my children every their awaking moments are great opportunities for learning questions and lessons of spirituality. Personally, I try hard to treat, talk, and chat with my children as equal spiritual beings capable of spiritual learning and growth. By treating them this way, I also try hard to impart to them the idea of respecting other human fellows and life forms as spiritual beings, too. To both myself and my children every awaking moment is a teachable one for spirituality. |
Carla Ivison
Westport, CT
Unitarian Universalist |
My children are almost grown now, but when they were young, we joined a Unitarian Universalist church. My husband had come from a liberal Episcopalian family, and I had come from a non-religious Jewish family. We both focused more on personal spirituality than religious dogma or traditions. In the UU church we found acceptance for diversity, and encouragement to develop individual spirituality. My 15-year-old son professes he does not believe in God and then describes the god he could believe in. My 17-year-old daughter just graduated from the senior youth group, where she made a lot of friends based on mutual trust and many shared personal experiences. With all that background, it is still difficult to speak of spiritual realities. I don't know why.
I know that children often don't have the words to express how they feel about intangible ideas, such as spirituality. As teenagers, the words they have may carry the implications or identifications of what they don't want to express, and it may still be difficult to find the right words. My question is how to encourage the continued exploration and development of belief, whether the words are right or not? I think discussion would benefit this question rather any book or written paper. |
Constance Stannard
Coralville, IA
Roman Catholic |
As a practicing Catholic, I raised my son in the faith. He is now 22, and has followed our family traditions. He is a Knight of Columbus, by his choice, and very spiritual. I think the most important thing in my successfully imparting my faith has come by example; my parents were devout, and we attended Mass, said grace, and treated religion as part of daily life. My husband was not raised with religion, but has participated and come to appreciate the comfort it gives.
When our son was born, three months premature, as a twin, we were asked to answer the following: "How hard do you want us to try to save your baby?" Our other son did not, could not, survive. But, despite the fact that we were in Hawaii, far from home and my parish, I could call a priest to help me with this crisis. We have turned to the church many times, for both spiritual and practical help, and they have always been there. |
Miriam Kerzner
Richland, WA
Jewish |
I am a practicing agnostic Jew married to a lapsed Catholic from a devout family. We have one son. Prior to his birth, Judaism was primarily my ethnic and cultural identity. Both of us believe that religion is a valuable tool in imparting values and moral structure to children, but could not do so from a Catholic perspective because of his alienation from that religion. On the other hand, Judaism, for me, was the most essential legacy I could leave for my son. We were left with the question of how to raise him to be proud of his Jewish heritage, as well as his Irish and Highland Scottish background.
Because so much of Jewish practice centers around the home, I discovered that the practices needed to have meaning for me. Yet, the more I thought about God, the more agnostic I became. Instead, reading about various religions kept bringing me back to the beauty of many Jewish customs that make one aware of the blessings of our own lives and the necessity of accepting and imposing personal limits. In addition, we live in an area with a small Jewish community whose members do not engage in the same practices as we do. Furthermore, most of my sons friends are not Jewish. We had to work through deciding how to practice Judaism so that it reinforced his identity without causing him to resent it. Part of that, of course, was balancing our practice against the strength of my beliefs — where to stand firm, where to compromise.
How do we provide our children with a foundation in a spiritual system that is strong enough to endure the explorations of adolescence? How do we give them the strength to ask the important questions, knowing that there are few good answers? How do we help them develop the moral fortitude to make the right choices even when they are difficult? |
Kathryn Smith Ripper
Columbus, OH
Protestant; I was raised as a Presbyterian and now attend a Methodist church when I go to church |
I considered myself to have a personal faith as a young adult but in hindsight, don't think of myself as being a particularly spiritual person until I lived in Hawaii for several years. On the mainland you're surrounded by so much Christianity that it can be taken for granted. In Hawaii, Christians are not the majority and you can experience parts of Buddhist and cultural traditions that aren't Christian if you wish. The Japanese traditional ubon season is practiced widely on Oahu and since my kids are one-quarter Japanese, my ex-husband and I tried to take them to at least one bon festival at a temple every year. We donated to the temple and would make an offering in his mother's name. I bought hapi coats for the kids to wear even though they were too young to totally know what was going on. One year my daughter was big enough to wear a kimono I'd received as a child from my uncle who'd been stationed in Japan. We never did any dancing but many Caucasians do join in. My ex-husband doesn't practice any faith and considers himself an agnostic but going to the bon festivals touched a family memory or core for him.
I grew up in the time of the cults, the Moonies, the folks dying in the jungle after drinking Kool-Aid. I knew someone from my home town who'd joined the Moonies. I wanted very much to give my children a clear sense as to what my personal faith is as they grew up, with the expectation that they may or may not want to actively practice protestant Christianity as adults. While I consider myself to be tolerant and ecumenical in my outlook, I found that there were some boundaries I wasn't willing to cross with the kids. For example, I didn't want them going to the Catholic or more fundamentalist youth fellowship programs because I didn't want them to even consider those faiths because of peer pressure or enthusiasm. Attending a Mass would be educational however. I was thrilled that my daughter was invited to two bat mitzvahs because she was able to experience a Jewish sabbath ceremony. I had never met a Jew until I went to college. I had to call a Jewish girlfriend to ask about the whole coming of age program and tried to explain to my daughter, who wasn't terribly interested in what Mom had to say. My son has a Jewish friend at school and his family has promised to have us over on a Friday sometime. My middle school church group visited a wide variety of churches and a Quaker meeting house as a part of our confirmation process. I'd like to do the same on an informal basis with my children but as a single parent getting out the door on Sunday has been a huge issue. As a single parent with two kids I've found that you resort to lowest common denominator parenting: if my son can make it to the youth fellowship meeting then I'm not going to sweat it that we didn't make it to church in the morning. |
Susan Slack
Sarasota, FL
American Sufi |
My son is grown now and doing very well in every aspect of his life. I raised him according the suggestions of East Indian musician, Inayat Khan, who started the American Sufi Order and the European Sufi Movement over 80 years ago. He left behind many volumes of lectures and wrote a book, Education from Before Birth to Maturity, which I used as a guideline, along with friends who also raised their children in this way. The basics of this way is one of great love, gentleness, and patience.
Instead of instilling specific methodologies or religious beliefs, the child is guided toward what comes natural which is reverence for life, respect for parents and others. The child is also encouraged toward concentration and focus, not through any specific methods, but rather to take care not to interrupt a child in the middle of something, or to rush him about, or to shame or scold her. Now my son is very comfortable no matter which house of worship he enters because he has been taught, through experience, the basic underlying theme of all religions. From my point of view there is only one religion — the religion of the heart. |
Linda Schaffer
Springfield, VA
None |
I was raised Catholic but no longer belong to any religious organization because I feel that, for me, the doctrine/dogma of a religion often obscures the experience of the sacred. My husband, also raised Catholic, never really found religion relevant to his life. We have a wonderful, bright, loving, 14-yr-old son with Aspergers who has an intense need for the definitive answers that we eschew. My husband does not usually talk about spiritual matters. My primary means of sharing spiritual questions and perspectives with our son are reading (great literature of all genres), discussion, reflecting on our experience, and listening to Speaking of Faith almost every week. He considered and rejected Christianity in favor of his invented polytheistic religion, which he takes quite literally and to which he is fiercely devoted (for two years, now). I feel his belief system is revealing of his inner experience. Sometimes, I worry that it helps him to avoid stressful, but important experiences. When he shares his religious beliefs with me, I try to reflect what I hear him saying and to respond respectfully and honestly to his comments, but I often share more of my perspective than he cares to hear. It is challenging for both of us.
Sometimes what he says is meaningful to me on a mythical level, even though I know he means it literally. For example, he'll say that the god who created the world is evil and doesn't really care about people because he lets all kinds of evil things happen to them. According to my son, this deity must be entertaining himself with mankind's reaction to all this chaos. But the gods of the ancient Greeks were friends to man and combat chaos and strife. To the extent that we can merge with these deities, we will become one with the gods and escape strife. He believes that we can achieve this through science, specifically genetic engineering that will make us as powerful as these divine forces and meld our will with theirs. Of course, he's going to be the first to do it. His grandiose beliefs are more important than the reality around him, helping him to justify his retreat from the everyday world.
We have two grown sons, 24 and 26, with whom my husband and I rarely discussed religion or faith, but often read together, which generated lots of discussion about truth and values. They have never expressed a need to subscribe to a religious creed. They have shared with us their experiences of discussing religious beliefs with friends, but neither seems to find any meaning in those beliefs. They are both very kind, responsible, interested, interesting, and seemingly happy men.
I would like to know how to talk to my youngest about his beliefs in a way that is respectful but also honest. Should I just smile and say "oh really!" when he tells me that something good happened to him because he was faithful to Zeus? I suppose someone who is knowledgeable about the spirituality of children and about autism could help. Reading recommendations would be appreciated. I don't know if my concern is primarily about spirituality or psychology — although I know they overlap. He has talked to counselors regarding his ideas, but I have seen no maturing in his views.
As a young mother, I did not seek out the spiritual, but I would say it found me, anyway. I am more conscious of the spiritual in my experience, now. I love to hear the spiritual perspectives and experiences of others. I set aside time to reflect on my life and try to be more aware of the possibilities of each moment. I find meaning in many religious and non-religious insights, especially when they resonate in my experience. I have friends who are Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim, Jewish, and atheist and I learn from them all. I see my purpose as using my abilities to cultivate a greater awareness/appreciation of life and its potential. I see our role as that of co-creators, cultivators. As for reality beyond this world — I have no way of knowing the specifics, but I do have hope and trust that this experience of life has a value beyond what we can perceive/conceive. We experience intimations of the beyond, perhaps?
The most perplexing aspect of faith, to me, is that the same literalness from which some (adults) derive meaning and comfort, strikes others as flat and absurd, while the truth-as-metaphor that can be so powerful for some, can be totally empty for others. |
Casey Rousseau
West Hartford, CT
Episcopal |
I grew up "nothing." That is, my parents, disparing of their faith traditions, didn't bring me to church unless it was for a baptism, wedding, or funeral. My grandmother brought me on Easter, Christmas, and any Summer Sunday that I was in her house, but I felt excluded as one unwelcome at the communion rail. I developed my faith as a young adult independently of my parents. I now have two young children, and though I bring them to church weekly, and we do small things like saying grace before meals daily, I want them to develop their own faith, not simply acquire mine. |
Rebecca Neiger
Columbus, OH
Buddhist, formerly Christian |
Becoming a parent "awakened" dormant spirituality in me. My first child has special needs — that, too has propelled my "search." I returned to my Christian roots initially, followed that to the contemplative level, then actually found more resonance with Buddhist teachings. I still deeply value my Christian heritage and am actually raising our children in a Christian church. I have appreciated each step in my spiritual journey and mostly just want each of my children to pursue their own journey, regardless of where it takes them.
I wonder if there is any information/research on spiritual development, as we have "stages" of psychological development. Ken Wilbur's work seems to deal with levels, but I think it applies primarily to adults. There do seem to be predictable ways that people evolve and one of those stages seems to be rejection of the faith of one's childhood. I'm wondering if it's possible to grow from an immature to a more mature level without what appears to be an inevitable discarding followed by a reclaiming of faith for oneself? |
Kathleen Tappen
Richmond, VA
Episcopal |
At the age of three, my son who is now six, posed a fascinating question about God to me and provided his own profound answer as he was saying his evening prayers: "Father in heaven hear my prayer — why do we call God "Father"? Maybe he is a mother. Mother in heaven hear my prayer — maybe God isn't a Mother or a Father, maybe God is just God."
Though I was raised Episcopal. I didn't attend church as a single adult or even as a married 30 something. It wasn't until my son was a toddler that I began to attended church again, albeit sporadically. I have always believe that it is important and morally beneficial for a child to experience organized religion, but it was the aforementioned question and answer experience that opened my eyes to the natural spirituality that I believe lies within children.
Since that time my son has made some very interesting, unsolicited comments. For example, at age four he told me "you know when you die your spirit goes back up to be with God for a while then you come back to Earth as a baby." I asked him who told him this and he said, "nobody, I just know it."
My son now attends an all boys school where they attend chapel twice a week. As a kindergartner, he and his friends talk very freely about God (he and his best friend had a serious argument one day because my son told his friend "you don't believe in the golden rule because you keep interrupting me." His friend argued, almost in tears, "I do believe in the golden rule, don't say that I don't — I'm sorry for interrupting you." He also continues to pose very mature spiritual questions to my husband and me. We do our best to answer his questions in as an enlightened manner as possible — "Yes, there is just one God and many different religions. No, it doesn't make scenes that the people of different religions are fighting when they all believe in the same God." |
Phil Jakes
Durham, NC
Protestant |
My own faith has been greatly enhanced by being a parent, as it has allowed me to better understand what is meant by many of the tenants of my Christian faith. For example, "unconditional love." I may be frustrated with my kids (ages 3 and 5) regularly, but I love them deeply always. Or, the concept of free will, where I will allow my children to explore the world, make mistakes, and even fail, although always keeping a loving eye on them, attempting to help them learn from their mistakes (which is easier when they ask), and also watching that they don't get into something that is dangerously more than they can handle. This is much like the relationship that I would like to have with God. |
Margaret Rhoades
Plymouth, MI
Roman Catholic |
As parent of four adults, my remarriage in a Presbyterian church and not Catholic causes my son and his family a problem; they think I am living in sin. I received an annulment thru my church, however my former husband appealed the process to Rome, stated untruths. Rome agreed with him. The tribunal still encouraged me to live in peace and experience the goodness and love in my second marriage in good faith. That was not clear enough for my son and his family. I feel uncomfortable writing about this.
My other three children are pleased for me. The other incident is about my oldest granddaughter getting married this year in a Methodist church without talking to the priest in the Catholic church about her plans. I do not think her choice is anything other then going along with her fiance's family, and not because she finds God in a better way. Her parents are displeased, she did not discuss her plans prior to making them. These are two problems we are living with at this time. I attend Mass every Sunday, then attend service with my husband at his church. I take what I can from his church. I find this positive for our marriage; we know couples from his church and that is good also. My primary source of strength, God, and direction comes from the Catholic church. |
Stacia Goodman
Minneapolis, MN
My husband is a nonpracticing Jew. I am a former Catholic, now non-Christian, yet believer in a God/Goddess. |
Rather than attending a "church" or following a certain dogma, I look to events such as Memorial Day, the seasons, tragedies in the news, the recent death of our old, beloved dog and the little joys and struggles of everyday life to discuss matters of prayer and the afterlife with my young children. I also try to educate my kids on the buffet of beliefs in our world, hoping someday they will choose a path that fits for them. I tell myself this liberal approach all sounds great, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit how jealous I am of my married friends who consistently believe and teach a single path such as Judaism or Catholicism to their children.
I want my children to have faith in a God/creator/higher power; a source to pray to for guidance and strength. Yet, how does a parent convey that without the support of a spiritual community, the visuals of a church/temple and the guidance of a priest/rabbi, Bible/Torah. I feel so rudderless at times without a more formal religious structure, yet that doesn't fit into our lives now and our beliefs don't fit into it. |
Margery Schwartz
Miami, FL
Jewish |
I've written a new book called What's Up With the Hard Core Jewish People? An irreverent yet informative approach to Judaism and religious devotion from a Reform Jewish mother's perspective. This is the true story of our casually Jewish family's struggle to cope with the divisiveness caused when one son becomes an Orthodox Jew.
Four years ago, our youngest son, Carter, a fraternity guy and graduate of the University of Pennsylvania, did a 180 degree lifestyle change when he decided to blow off law school and study in Israel to be an Orthodox rabbi. Our family is Reform Jewish, so Carter's transformation from secular to observant Jew was rather shocking to those of us on the "dark side." Why would anyone want to trade hedonism and materialism for Jewish spirituality and living up to God's expectations of us?
After I finally recovered from cognitive dissonance and acknowledged that Carter was serious about his decision, I realized I needed a cram course in traditional Judaism so I could be on the same wavelength as our son. It wasn't until Carter went hardcore that it became apparent that I was functionally illiterate with regard to Jewish values, traditions, and history. Moreover, I realized that due to my ignorance, I was sometimes intolerant toward Orthodox Jewish rituals. I didn't at all care for feeling like a bigot, and I saw that many of my friends were in the same boat as me. I saw this as an opportunity to help bring myself and other assimilated Jews closer to Judaism.
Unfortunately there were no Jewish Cliff's Notes or a simple, to-the-point book that would expediently teach me what traditional Judaism is all about. The 12 books out there on newly observant Jews and Orthodox Judaism are all by newly observant Jews, rabbis, and other religious Jews whose perspective is very different than mine. I needed to understand Judaism and religious devotion on my own terms and in a way that wasn't intimidating. So I started doing in-depth research using books and the Internet.
I wrote this book to share my story and provide the reader with consolation, guidance, entertainment, and suggestions on how to deal with a formerly non-religious Jew who has become Orthodox, and to impart my Jewish knowledge in a user-friendly way and help people understand what it means to be Jewish. Carter and Naomi, my Torah-true son and daughter-in-law, love this book, although the irreverence was sometimes a bit tough for them to take. But they know that this book finally walks the Jewish outreach talk by being both entertaining and informative, making it engaging and accessible even to people who don't think Judaism is relevant to them. |
Candace Lieber
Costa Mesa, CA
Unity |
My husband and I were very disconnected from our Christian religious traditions, yet we wanted to find a community that reflected our shared values and had programs for our three children. We found that community last year in our local Unity Church. Unity's belief system is made up of five basic ideas — it is quite simple, starting with the idea that God is absolute good. My husband and I enjoy the diverse community, time for mediation in service, and the weekly talks during our service utilize a variety of texts that we weren't exposed to before.
We contribute to the community with our gifts of time, prayer and money. We have also added prayer to our daily way of life — simple prayers before meals, at the beginning of the day and day's end. Now my two-year-old looks forward to holding hands, listening to the message, and saying AMEN! with enthusiasm. We know that our Christian practice is aligned with our lives and there is room for change and growth as our kids grow. |
Koren Walsh
Mound, MN
Pagan-based, but under no name or denomination |
As a parent, I have been open in the spiritual paths I've walked with my son. He has been exposed and has experienced many different traditions and the people involved with them. My son feels comfortable walking his own spiritual path because of that. I've found that honesty and a wide range of experience has grounded him as a spiritual young man. I have asked many questions on this path with my son. I've found the best resources have been other parents of faith, and going directly to the experts in the field — the rabbis, priests, and priestesses themselves. |
Michael Denmeade
Hartland, VT
Unitarian Univesalist Society |
I tend to lean toward Gandhi's approach, "I am everything…" My practices are varied from Catholicism to shamanism. I find addressing the question of spirituality with my 10-year-old daughter, Lily, both exciting and challenging. I have tried to provide her with an eclectic, but simple approach based on her heritage and my experiences. Even though she has experienced rituals and ceremonies from the Catholic, Buddhist, Native American, Polynesian and Yamabushi traditions, I try to keep it simple, tangible, and real for her. One way is by telling her every day, "Lily, thanks for picking me to be your Dad." She does attend a Waldorf school, which has a strong spirit focus theoretical approach. In summary, I would repeat it is very challenging, exciting, and growthful for her and I. I almost forgot to mention that on many occasions I follow her lead in both conversations and daily life experiences. |
George Brusseler
Babylon, NY
Culturally christian, however I dabble in many faiths like Joseph Campbell |
My wife and I are the parents of three daughters ages 11, 8, and 4. The eight year old was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at age 5 and our lives have been a daily struggle to help with her needs and the needs of the rest of our family. My wife and I are both from a Christian background, however I have been leaning towards more Eastern faiths in recent years. These faiths have led me to be more accepting of our situation and to know that nothing can truly be expected as well as nothing being permanent.
Your show has also been a source of comfort, particularly the episode with parents dealing with a schizophrenic son and how the learned to accept him. That episode reminded me of the essay "Welcome to Holland" by Emily Pearl Kingsley. If your not familiar with it, it uses the analogy of a vacation to Italy to having a baby and ending up in Holland to represent having a child with special needs. Holland might not be what was expected, but Holland offers different beauty. I think of this essay every day, in particular when things are at its worst at home. Thank you again for your great show. I do extra work on Saturday morning just to catch it! |
Michelle Lechner-Riehle
Burnsville, MN
Currently atheist; formerly Catholic |
I am a former Catholic, now consider myself atheist (my husband is the same). We try to impart values, tolerance, and respect to our children (I also run a family childcare). Our teenage son doesn't mind being raised atheist, but occasionally our daughter feels excluded from the Christian majority. I want my children to be well educated regarding religion. I want them to make informed decisions and to be able to have intelligent discussions about matters of spirituality. This is a bit of a challenge. |
Mike Prange
Florissant, MO
Lutheran |
As parents, my wife and I spent time with our three boys in church, Sunday school, and other activities. They also attended a parochial school. We did not force religion down their throat, but modeled what we believed. Although they were not always regular, we did have family devotions. We were always open for questions and doubts and did encourage an open mind. Being a parent educator made me aware of the need to work with my children.
As a grandparent, we share a similar faith with our son and daughter-in-law and attend Christmas programs and other events with our grandchildren. When we are all together we allow the young grandchildren to lead us in prayer before a meal. This sometimes becomes comical, but we feel it is necessary to faith development. |
Anna-Maria Bliss
Minneapolis, MN
Currently none — I grew up Lutheran |
I grew up Lutheran (ELCA), but quit attending church regularly during college. I don't describe myself as Lutheran or Christian — I don't believe in an omnipotent God. However, there are pieces of the faith I grew up with that "stuck" — a belief in the "grace" available to and inside all of us; a belief that if there is a god and all people are created in God's image that really means all of us (straight, gay, European, American, Asian, Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, conservative, liberal); a belief that there is something out there that connects all of us, even if I don't know what that is. I have visited non-Lutheran churches and attended non-traditional faith ceremonies, I have read about early Christian churches and non-Christian traditions, and still feel like I'm searching for the right "fit." The youth minister at the church I grew up in said while I was in confirmation that a faith that is not questioned is not a good or solid faith — I guess I have spent most of my time since confirmation questioning, which has lead me down a curving and twisting path with a few dead ends and more than once place where I found myself crossing back over familiar terrain.
My child is only two — still too young for me to be addressing religion and spirituality directly. But I have been struggling with how do find a good way to talk with her about it. Currently we don't attend a church — I grew up Lutheran, but my husband is agnostic and didn't grow up in a church. I don't think that going back to a Christian church is right for me, but I know that there is a lot I know and learned growing up Lutheran that is important (like a deep understanding of "grace" as more than just forgiveness). So much of our culture is centered around the Judeo-Christian tradition — stuff I "get" but my husband sometimes doesn't. I want my child to learn about faith and religion, to know why it is important to some people and maybe not to others, to understand how it has shaped our country and our world. It seems that a church (Lutheran or otherwise) would provide a community to help me with this teaching and these discussions, I'm just not sure how to balance my varying comfort levels with organized religion and my sense of spirituality with my desire to impart the tools my daughter will need to make her own decisions about faith, religion and spirituality.
I think that children, like many of us, like to find structure and order in their world. Sometimes that structure and order is best described through a faith tradition and spirituality. What gets difficult is how to have that conversation without a structure in place like church attendance, Sunday School, etc. How to explain why Mama and Papa believe differently — and why that is okay? How to explain why we pray before meals and Grandma's house, but not at home? I have lots of interesting reading for grown-ups about the history of the Christian faith, different religions, etc. — but are there books for the un-churched/unfaithful about how to teach your kids about faith and religion? If she's not growing up with it now, how do I know when my child is ready to talk about faith? There are lots of resources for potty training available and easily accessible — do I really need to join a church (Lutheran, Unitarian, whatever) to have access to the same resources about faith? |
John Metzler
McLean, VA
Roman Catholic |
This may not be what you're looking for, but it's my experience as a single parent father. I learned from graduate school and early years in my career that all of the people I liked, admired, and/or wanted to be like were "churched." They had a sense of their own finality and part of some plan larger than themselves. Before I was married, I was surprised to learn that women friends and better liked that I went to church. For me, it was more an act of courage in the 1970s, as I'm not naturally rebellious. So "church" gradually became important to me, rather than important to my parents.
I've met and got to know and appreciate wonderful women of different faiths, but as I grew older I began to see the value of my Catholic, and in particular, Jesuit education. I wanted to pass my parents', and eventually my own, faith to my children, if children should ever come. When my one and only marriage (to a Catholic who valued her religion) failed, I remember wondering what turning the other cheek meant in a divorce. The answer that came and was tested is "What's best for the children" — not easy to do in a court system that is inherently adversarial in its approach to "truth." So the two children went to 16 years of Catholic education on my nickel (and pennies!).
Also, in my part in raising two, now young adults, the story of the prodigal son was always in the back of my mind. The father gives the prodigal much freedom — for the father's love is pure. I'm fully aware that "father" is the first image of God, the Father. I had to let go and let God, in my heart — an ongoing challenge. But by doing so it made it possible to give children some space, some emotional space, to become themselves as God intended them to be, not as their mother or father wanted.
So, what next? Parenting doesn't stop, only changes. My children did not go to a Catholic college, as I no longer know what a "catholic" college is, and I'm sorry that neither will have some of the philosophy, theology, or experiences, wonderful and not so wonderful, that I had while at Holy Cross where I went in the late 1960s. But I think that is okay with God. Through Vatican II, it seems to me that the Roman Catholic Church is to become more catholic, with religious and lay, single and married, rich and poor, comfortable and hurting, all moving in service of the Father of Jesus, and not some institution. But how that will work out is more likely part of my children's task, less mine. |
Tamarack Song
Three Lakes, WI
World Native |
I feel most comfortable and proficient in guiding my children's spiritual growth when I remember that I was once them, as I can then empathize and see through their eyes. I look to the traditional ways of native elders, as their ways have stood the test of time and change, and I rely strongly upon example — mine and others — as I believe that values and perspectives speak most clearly to the heart when they are seen and experienced rather than heard about.
My questions often involve finding the essential, timeless spiritual dilemmas that usually lie at the core of the seemingly complex moral and character issues that children face in our day. The written word, access to elders, and ancestral memories, are what I see can rely upon for answers. |
Jenny Price-Smith
Rockville, MD
I was raised Catholic. |
I was raised Catholic, and now attend a Methodist church, but believe like Henry Nouwen that there is gold to mine in all faiths. I am open to learning from all traditions, and believe that God speaks in many tongues. That said, Jesus' message to "Love thy neighbor and to approach others with compassion and mercy, to take care of the sick, the poor feels like the right path. Mother Teresa lived Jesus' message. That is my goal.
I am a mother of 18-month-old triplets and a soon-to-be four year old; without a daily communion with God, I could not do this job. Sometimes my husband and I look at each other as if to say, "How did this happen?" But we also look at each other in awe of the gifts bestowed upon us. When we found out I was pregnant with triplets, I cried for two days — as I was filled with fear, having been told by two doctors that we should consider "reduction" — that is, aborting one of the fetuses. Then I told myself that this would not do, crying and being in this place of fear would not be any good for me or the babies, and I "gave it over to God." We sought a third opinion with a high risk OB, Dr. Gallagher, who talked to us for 1 and 1/2 hours. He explained the risk was only minimally greater — for me — than for carrying twins. I felt lifted up — spiritually, emotionally.
Sitting in his office, my husband and I saw that he held a degree of Divinity. From the time I gave the pregnancy over to God, I felt lifted up by Her/Him, a peace and tranquility came over me, that I had not known before. In fact, I'm sure the triplets were God's way of letting me know that I am not in control — despite my usual efforts to be so. I was able not only to accept, but to celebrate my situation. Each time we went for a sonogram or a test, my husband and I would sing two lines from a Jennifer Knapp song, "Holy Spirit won't you help me understand. Holy Spirit won't you say a prayer for me." I just loved the idea of the Holy Spirit saying a prayer for me — imagine that!
I awaken each morning at 5:00 am in order to have time for prayer, yoga, and spiritual reading/writing before the babies and my three year old awaken. This time is the spiritual underpinning of my day. And throughout the day, when I do something right with my kids, like recognize when my three year old just needs holding, not scolding, I immediately sense God's grace in my words or actions. And when I do something not so right — like yelling — I know that I am not speaking or acting from a place of Light and Grace, and am often able to get back to this place with prayer. I am also teaching my children how prayer can be a centering, calming and joyful endeavor. My three year old often ends her prayers with, "I love you," and a kiss into the air to God. Mother Teresa says, "Your home should be a place of joy, peace and love." It's a good measure to live by or to try to live by. And I do — try that is.
As I have always sought the spiritual, especially through books, I wanted to share some of the sources that have helped me so much with parenting. With my pregnancies, I found the book, Birthing from Within to be a great spiritual guide for carrying and bringing life into the world. I love the book, Whole Child Whole Parent, what a grounding it provides for child rearing. The Blessings of a Skinned Knee is also a perfect gift for parents in that offers so much about raising kids in the midst of our modern-day, technical and overly communicative society — I love its three tenets for family living "Moderation, Celebration and Sanctification" — to keep those in mind, always, would help us all stay on a right(eous) path. I also turn to poetry quite often to guide me towards life's beauty and through life's pain. Garrison Keillor's Good Poems, especially, "What I Learned from my Mother," with the line "To every house you enter you must offer healing: a chocolate cake you baked yourself, the blessing of your voice, a chaste touch." Also the poem, "Wild Geese" and the line, "tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you about mine." or "September, the First Day of School" too many poignant lines to quote. As well as,"First Lesson" just to name a few that resonated with me as a parent trying | |
